I drink so much sour whiskey I can’t hardly see
And everywhere I’ve been
There’s a well that howls my name
From the one tiny sting
To that vacant fame
Oh the deafening roar
Remember that’s called a one way street
And you can’t get
Can’t get it down without crying
(from "One Way Street")
“heroin erased the myriad collection of endless worries that had kept me awake all night most of my life. It had freed me from feeling anything: loss, heartbreak, regret, grief, resentment, as well as the burning hatred and disgust I felt not only for myself but also for other people I thought had wronged me, real or imagined. When dope enveloped me in its golden glow, all that melted away like springtime snow. The world became black and white, boiled down to just getting enough drugs each day to keep the dogs of withdrawals off my heels. I felt as though heroin had saved me from a life of misery, and I was prepared to go to any lengths to make sure I would always have it. Heroin was my number one, and anything else—everything else—was such a far-distant second place as to be virtually unseen on the radar screen of my life’s importance.”
Spotify makes a report of the artistes that one has listened to most at the end of each year. David Bowie got the top slot in 2025 (and maybe in 2024 too). But I know without a doubt who has the top slot for 2026 - it is clearly Mark Lanegan. I've been listening to his solo work extensively this year ( along with his collaborations with other musicians and bands). It made sense for me to read his memoir, given how mesmerizing and dark most of his songs were. Plus, if one had seen his live performance of "song for the dead", as he stands at a side, nonchalant almost, but makes a delivery with his characteristic scratchy supple style, that makes the performance a life time memory. But, to come back to the memoir, what a painful, confession it was ? Starting from his troubled childhood, he never attempts to make a heroic version of his life. His trouble with addiction, humiliation, crime, and survival is all what we come across in these pages.
“I walked by Harbourview hospitalHe chooses punk rock as a route from his home, an abusive mother, and a red neck town. A good example of the anger that was always in him is the way he reacts to the conflict over "The Winding Sheet" cover, leaving him alienated from the label, after his solo album. A close associate of Layne Staley, they have a life long connection through their addiction. Lanegan is possibly at the end of his suffering life towards the turn of the century, when Hole's Courtney Love saves him, paying for his rehabilitation, and gets him back to normal life. What hurts is that although Lanegan recovers thankfully, and goes on to make some great music post 2002, Layne couldn't be saved, and the book ends with the news of Layne death. The last paragraph of the book is:
I heard the Agnus Dei
Oh, sister of mercy
I've been gone too long to say
And all around this place
I was a sad disgrace”
(From "Harbourview hospital")
"It was a call I had expected for years but it destroyed me nonetheless. His (Layne's) loss left a void I've felt every day since. I expect I always will."
Previously, upon meeting Layne, Lanegan describes Layne as,
“Before Layne, I saw everything in strict black and white. He was every beautiful shade of color on the wheel, as well as many that had never been seen before.”
I still recall hearing of Layne's passing in the mirror magazine section of The Sunday Times, in those pre-internet days. I had heard that Layne was struggling, for it became news round about the time their unplugged album came out, but then to know the details of his grueling struggle was truly painful. I now know that Lanegan had an equally or possibly an even bigger struggle. But at the nick of time, he had some chance to save himself. Why or why, couldn't someome save Layne in that fashion ? Mike Starr, supposedly, the last to see Layne alive, spent his last few years in regret over this, I've heard.
Lanegan details his challenges, how he was nearly broke most of the time, and how he lived his life to feed his addiction, and he had no other objective. How he struggles with humiliation in Europe with withdrawal, begging literally for him to get fixed is indeed a harrowing read.
Lanegan has worked with and associated with renowned artistes such as Kurt Cobain - who Lanegan may have missed in the search for latter just before his suicide - and Noel Gallagher - of whom he has no good account.
The memoir is a must read for any fan of rock music, any 90s rock grunge music fan in particular. It is not an easy read on account of his honesty and bleakness. But it is indeed rewarding for realistic portrayal of the difficult life that these musicians have lived in - and why we feel the pain and hurt in their voices and recognize it for its honestly, and connect it with our accounts, although our lot maybe much better ( or worse as the case maybe ). I am yet to hear a true rock fan confess that these depressing songs, and accounts of these artistes, making them depressed in their own lives. For some reason, it has always made them rise up from any difficult situations that they themselves maybe undergoing in their own lives. Maybe it is the realization that their own troubles are much more manageable compared to what their musical heroes had to endure.
Rating: *****
Photo Credits - The Internet / Reddit (MK.Graves)






